Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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