You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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