How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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