my soul wont recognize me after tonight
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
