Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
