he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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