needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
