there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
