tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
