Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
