A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
