I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
