im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
