There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
