He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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