I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
