it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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