I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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