My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
