TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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