she looked like the before picture.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
