Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
