My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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