260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
