Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
