He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
