I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
