why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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