whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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