Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
