Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
