i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
