well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
is wine microwaveable?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
