I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
