4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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