You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
