I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
