I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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