when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
