what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Less talking, more tequila
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
