That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
