Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
