Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
