we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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