You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
