She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
