a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All the doctor said was why
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
