yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
