Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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