the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
