we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
