Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
