I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
