I faked an abortion last night.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
nutella sex= disaster
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
