New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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