i need an iv and a liver transplant
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I believe in your delicious
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
