his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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