she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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