Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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