I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
