I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
